From Nobody to Somebody

As per recent request, I have been convinced to explain the circumvention of my real name in favour of the slightly-less-attractive pen name AD Bane, which now may be taken for my real name in all respects except when one is speaking directly to my face.

It began I-don’t-really-know-how-many years ago. If someone were to threaten the trade of my life for it, I would suggest that I first thought of it when I was thirteen years old. Yea, I know, that’s a long time. Okay, well it feels like a long time to me. Though the years and the moths have not been kind to it, here it is: Artorius Daemon Bane. What a grand sounding name! I must admit it comes to me now with a little bit of conceit. But isn’t that what I was after, to sound so far beyond my own renown that someone might mistake me for a *real* Great Person? Perhaps. Certainly I did draw on certain mythology in the creation of my alias.

My first order of business was to link it in some way to myself. Well my first name was clearly out of the question. What am I gonna do, name myself after some Muslim uppity-uppity? I think not (no offence intended to any as should see it, I’m sure). SD Bane. Err, not what I’m going for. And my last name proved no better. Sure, its a fairly old, respectable name that has come down to me from the English and Scotts, who are both, I might add, very respectable peoples. What’s wrong with that? And who wouldn’t want to belong to a family of cloth weavers? Well, I’ll tell you what’s wrong: It. Just. Doesn’t. Sound. Fantastic. Enough. So that leaves me with what? My middle name? Okay, I supposed it would have to do, but personally I think that it too is a little… Uhh, boring. So I needed to find a way to make it even more epic. Did you know that there are two prominent figures in Roman history who have been supposed as possible historical origins for the Legend of King Arthur? Lucius Artorius Castus being one, and the other Ambrosius Aurelianus. Both were pretty fantastic men, and both have pretty epic-sounding names—at least, a lot better than *pfft* King Arrthur (Yes, I stuttered the R on purpose, and have you ever noticed that a name, when applied to an individual, sounds much worse to that individual than it does to others?).

Well, this choice I really cannot justify as they are both rather fantastic names, but I settled on Artorius which is still my chosen name to this day. How more epic could it be?!

But I think you will find that in the working world one name is not enough. When I say I’m Artorius, people say, “Artorius who?” Fact of the matter is, until your somebody, you ain’t nobody. So my next order of business so many years ago was to come up with a suitable middle initial as would keep my A very good company, and round it off just like Arthur did with such a brilliant yet simple last name as would keep people in a semi-state of awe for centuries to come. Well, as I already have stated, it was my own conceit that won out in the end. Artorius Brandon Toodstool just wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t simple, and the initials sucked anyhow. Artorius the Death-bringer was nothing short of epic, but I eventually had to discard that one as well as I never could decide if Death-bringer was to be one name or two, and if it was one name then where did my middle name go? What finally won out in the end was a little slice of what I like to call “arrogant-ignorance”, the simple basis being that if I chose the most epic, most arrogant name I could then I could live in ignorance the rest of my life knowing full well that a few minutes of thought on my part had crafted me a legacy that would last throughout the ages to come. That name, of course, is Artorius Daemon Bane. Now I suppose some might say, what is so arrogant about that? Or perhaps I am wrong and everyone clues right into my obvious scandal. The thing is, if I had called myself something simple like Artorius Master Write, I would have quite clearly described my purpose and intention—that is to write and be brilliant at it in some hope that others might find my work enlightening. But instead I chose Artorius Daemon Bane which gives the illusion that I am some kind of Michael, set here on this Earth to banish the demons that haunt it. Now really, am I calling myself the Saviour of the entire world? I leave that for you to decide—I would not be so arrogant as to say that for myself. But you see already how it works; the name AD Bane has already entered your psyche and is floating around with ample thought patterns so as to keep it alive and burning for quite some time to come.And not only that, but I have also instilled in your mind this image of me as a Great Person who will save the entire Earth.

So am I arrogant? Yea, probably. Who isn’t?

Am I the Saviour of the Earth? Well, to be honest, I can’t claim any such title, however much I would like to.

Am I memorable? I certainly hope so. That has been my intent from the beginning, and if I have not left a lasting impression in at least one mind then I consider my entire work to be a failure. Thank the green bricks that it isn’t!

I am justified in my reasoning.

AD Bane – the title of a champion.

Post Script: My declination to provide my real name is quite intentional. Do not worry; I am quite with myself.

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